Friday, July 8, 2011

Don't You Think It's Time*

Some major life events have occurred in the past 6 weeks:
  • We moved house
  • I lost my job
  • my partner turned 40
  • my partner had an art exhibition opening
  • I had a major CFS setback - worst in 12 months
Consequently, it's been a lean time for blogging. It has been hard to find time and head space to tend my little blog.

It has also been hard to find time and headspace to do any study.

Both of these things make me very sad. I have been reading heaps because I was sick, but I was not able to read anything academic because my little brain could not take anything in, so trashy novels it has been - as evidenced by my book list!

I have been quite amazed by how unsettling I have found being at work, knowing that I was leaving. Of course, I have left jobs before, but I have never before lost my job and been expected to work out the notice - as though nothing was happening. It was really weird! The last time I lost my job because of funding, I was given the option to leave which I took after letting my clients know.

Also I was surprised by how much energy it has taken for me to go to work every day and get on with it.

So now that job is finished. YAY!

I am trying not to panic about money for now and I do have a locum position for 5 weeks that will pay the bills, but still the uncertainty is there niggling at the back of my mind. I panicked last week and as a result, ended up saying yes to 6 days of work. I have not worked more than 3 days a week for nearly 2 years, so it was a little silly, but there you go.

What comes next?

Of course I have options, there are always options!

You know that saying 'one door closes another opens' or variations of that, well it seems that may be true. Since I found out I was losing my job, there have been a number of things happened that have well and truly restored my faith in the universe. I got an email about some work that I decided against earlier in the year, I got a phone call about another job, and another email from a potential client. As well as this, I have got this locum job, been offered some research assistant work and been offered ongoing casual work, and I have also seen some other part time positions I am applying for.

So now it is up to me. Do I want to go back into private practice? Will I be able to maintain that now with my health? Is it time to think about diversifying my work? Do I still want to work as a music therapist in direct clinical work?

So many questions to be answered.

If I can stave off the panic, I really think this is a sign to take some time and have a think.  The locum job has afforded me 5 weeks of thinking time and I have a wonderful professional supervisor who is helping me work out what I most want to be doing.

One thing I do know is that I would like to use this time to get some traction on my thesis and clarify for myself where I am headed. I can also see that this may not be possible at the moment as the headspace may not be there in which case I will continue with my plodding and make sure I keep it rolling along however slowly.

It is a challenging time ahead I think, but I hope it will end with some joy and abundance - both of which have been missing for a little while.

Don't you think it's time
Time to start anew
Time for changing views
Time for making up your mind
Don't you think it's time

Time for moving on
Time for growing strong
Time to leave the past behind 
*Don't You Think It's Time - Bob Evans

1 comment:

  1. Louise, you are a real loss to the hospital. The number of times I read the records and can really see the impact that your work has on the lives of your patients, it's quite amazing. You have done really good things and will continue to do so, no matter what direction you head in. I will miss reading your (clear and readable) handwriting!